We Made Villains Out of Women Who Wanted Better

A woman wanting softness became the villain in too many ways. Let’s rewrite it.

In today’s time we’re all familiar with the term soft girl era. Many women are leaving behind the stigma that they have to be burdened, beat up, and stuck in survival mode. Ahtt AHTT! We’re not having it. A soft life isn’t something that has to be earned, but desired and deserved.

The narrative that we’re too difficult or asking for too much is unfounded. In reality, we haven’t asked for enough, and that’s the problem—especially in rooms where people are willing to offer so little.

Who made the rule that we had to put up with this type of behavior to gain peace in this lifetime? Women today aren’t keeping their heads down to accept scraps left on the bedside table. We’re going after what we deserve, and it’s not coming in the form of a handout.

Too many times women were expected to be content with the bare minimum. You still see it now in the 50/50 conversations, in parenthood, and in the workplace.

Take the 50/50 debate. Women are labeled “gold diggers” simply for rejecting the idea that paying half the bills is equity—especially when children are involved. Men argue they’re just as capable, so why shouldn’t women split it evenly? But it was never about capability. It was about silence—about women realizing that if they never spoke up, nothing would change.

And let’s be clear: women who are content with bare-minimum standards often gather around tables with men eager to instruct them on how to be a woman. Well darling, you can’t give feedback to a woman you don’t (and couldn’t) aspire to be—let alone have the capability. Best to stick to conversations that actually fit your own dynamics.

Parenthood follows the same pattern. A father takes the kids to the park and he’s a hero; a mother does it every day and it’s invisible. Gratitude becomes the leash. Ask for balance, and suddenly you’re bitter, ungrateful, or undeserving.

I think back to my great-grandparents, who were married more than 30 years. I once asked my great-grandmother when she knew she loved my great-grandfather. Her answer silenced the room: “I ain’t never loved him. I cared for him, but I ain’t never loved him.”

Here was a woman who bore his children, cooked his meals, shared his bed, and listened to his troubles. He loved her deeply, but she had never loved him. Why? Because she was taught that a man who provided was all you could hope for. Love was optional. Desire was ungrateful. Asking for more simply wasn’t an option.

Yet they both worked, and he still took care of their household. I can’t help but wonder what their dynamic would’ve been had she asked for what she actually needed from him.

We see echoes of this today. Women who voice what they want are accused of being ungrateful, as though gratitude cancels out their right to want more.

The script doesn’t stop at home. In the workplace, asking for fair pay or setting boundaries earns women labels like “difficult” or “uncommitted.” Men are assertive; women are a problem. The villain mask slips on easily, because the culture depends on us shrinking to make room for everyone else.

But what they call ungrateful, I call awakening. If asking for softness, reciprocity, or real love makes us villains, then so be it. Women who wanted better were never destroying anything—they were rewriting what survival could mean.