Motherhood Without Martyrdom

They told us motherhood was supposed to be sacrifice. That the measure of our love was how much of ourselves we could erase. But I’ve come to believe that motherhood without martyrdom is not only possible—it’s necessary. I’ve seen career mothers balance boardrooms and bedtime stories, not because they’re superhuman, but because they refuse to choose between ambition and presence. I’ve seen women without careers build lives rich with joy, creativity, and selfhood, showing their children that fulfillment doesn’t always come with a paycheck. And I’ve seen women without children live full, unapologetic lives that prove motherhood is not the only path to purpose. The truth is, children don’t need martyrs. They need mothers who are whole.

As someone who comes from a family of hardworking women—and now being one myself—I know for certain that martyrdom is a myth. I love for my children to see me doing the things I love, while also pouring into them. I don’t give my kids all of me, only what they need.

Even at their tender ages, they understand that while I am their mom, I am also a human being. I wasn’t always “Mommy,” and I didn’t stop being myself when they were born. My life adjusted for them, but motherhood did not erase my identity.

There’s a stigma that when women “choose wrong,” they must bear the consequences of sacrifice. While two things can be true—choices have weight—you still have to acknowledge she’s a person. A person with goals, desires, wants, and needs.

She is the epitome of balance. Forged through galaxies to give birth to nations. And yet the thought of putting her in a position where she must fully sacrifice and lose the fountains of her attributes outside of motherhood? Despicable.

And just because she can do it all doesn’t mean she should have to.

Too often, respect for women deteriorates once she becomes a mother. Suddenly she’s deemed inadequate or less—because children need her care. But how can that be, when we’ve watched mothers wear every hat imaginable? The dancer. The businesswoman. The nurse. The lawyer. The disciplinarian. The author. The doctor. The CEO.

The most asinine thing of all is this: if she does it all, the world pulls her apart. If she asks for help, the world scolds her. And if she stays silent, the world pities her.

All you ever had to do was see her as a person to begin with. It’s a fictitious mindset to believe a woman must lose in life just to gain in motherhood.

Motherhood is not a tipping scale of failed successes. It’s an experience meant to be explored and adjusted as it fits her lifestyle. If fathers get to choose, why can’t she?